II was fighting against all odds and as I fought there was a life at stake. I fought to keep close to me, my inner child. It was somewhat accomplished in an intellectual manner considering the aspects of life which scares us emotionally at times. Struggle by struggle, bit by bit, piece by piece. But through spirituality and sustaining what life's hills brings to us in a moment of time, sometimes life's situation become unbearable. One battle following another.
As a young mother, Jordan's death left me with some feelings of loneliness and questions. I was questioning the meaning of life religiously and why the good felt most inflicted. My children were my life, as is any mother's; those who dearly loves their offspring. I will admit, that there were alleys I should have never entered, never gone by, nor traveled. Nevertheless, if life brought us many unfair judgements and painful injustices; this was my own.
Should we, by governmental laws and a fallen social and economical world be provided some type of justice? Rather than social rulers and leaders where most of our world power lies; should we not look to a God who will weigh our motives and make matters better, through His grace, mainly depending on our individual characters? To know that we are comforted through this love of God, who is good and fair; His Word speaks in all of our situations and does offer us mercy and wonderful grace.
I would quietly reminisce over little but important facts that we all seem to ignore over and over again; which applies to true happiness that is so often taken for granted. We seem to languish over the simple things of life, just allowing time to slip away, seemingly aggrieving in ignorance over the moments we ought to cherish, but we are somehow dissastisfied. How warm blood flows through our veins and how we seem to possess some infailable power over life or over one another as if we were alone in the world, with no other being watching over us; or the universe.
The truth is that we cease to feel Him near, until an approaching cold chill takes notice of us and grabs us, we realize God was always in control. We can't fight it when the deep sleep takes our subconcious and we become it; death.
Baby Jordan had come into the world not crying or breathing. He had been humanly resurrected; being brought back to life. Could he still be normal? The breathe of a man, into the nostril of another; is it a risk? Is it right? Could there be human failure down the line because of it? What would be the outcome of the test? In a world filled with men's choices and the ability to save, all having the underlying circumstances associated with it.
Saving a life, is what we want to do, because we love. I wondered if the Creator wanted this. Was this child now doomed to an end? It might have been God's will that he not survive; that he be born this way. The body had failed to work because of one mistake; not by the fault of the victims, but because he was born dead. He was chocked by the
knoted umbilical cord that found a way to wrap around his neck in a three fold cord. I hoped, and prayed that where they helped him; breathing into my boy to revive him, would put everything into the proper place and that everything would pick up where nature left off. I prayed for him to breathe and become normal with time.
Bottom line, Jordan was a breach baby, who suffered loss of oxygen to his vital organs and was born with brain injury, in addition the cord somehow wrapped around him.
He was the boy twin of his sister Jasmine, who was born so healthy and like her brother so beautiful. After weeks of exhausting travels to the hospital with four children; my prayers were answered. Finally he was released from the hospital about a month after his birth, despite the doctors predictions and diagnosis that he would not live but a couple of days; maybe a few weeks in the hospital. He could pass away at any time they prepared and warned me, even upon his release.
Because of Jordan's brain injury, he was not able to swallow and had to be fed through a stomache tube. In fact, they suggested he be left in the hospital to die, and even
suggested he be transported to a facility to be cared for. I was angry with the doctors' insinuation and I insisted on taking my baby home so that I could care for him myself. I believed he would receive a miracle from the Lord.
In a few months or so after being at home surrounded by the love of his brothers and twin sister and a mother who loved him dearly, baby Jordan began to smile and he began to move his fingers to catch my set of car keys. I was hopeful as he showed strength and faith in his own small being. I prayed, and prayed. Grace continued to persevere. It was grace indeed; with a strong presence that was inside this tiny baby who knew nothing but his own innocense. The light shined in his room;
better than crystal beams shining, or a sunlight coming through a high space rooftop. My baby was special in more than one sense of the word. I believe he was going to recover with Jesus' saving power. I felt Him near. I knew that we needed to worship the Lord.
Jordan's breech birth, and true knot in the cord signified to me a state of extreme dysfunction in his capability to learn. He had a g-tube and I was not certain if he would ever eat like the rest of us. Jordan lagged behind his twin sister in every way possible, including weight gain and growth. I continued to pray and refused to give up. By the time he was nine months, he was rolling all over the floor, and kicking up a storm, but his sister was standing and walking. Nevertheless, Jordy (his nickname) was vibrant each day and even the heavy breathing he had displayed for a few months after he came home from the long hospital stay had subsided. He had a lot of leaking mucuos out of his nose and mouth, which also subsided gradually. At times I'd gently insert my finger in his mouth for a moment or two as an experiment, like a pacifier, and he would suck on it for a few seconds.
He showed signs of wanting to learn, and I begged doctors for therapy but it wasn't time a few of them told me. He was weak, and struggling to do everyday things like kick, roll and reach for a toy. It was strenous for him to do. I respected that and at times I cried as I saw signs of a baby who tried so hard to do normal things. Tears would began to roll down my face and me and
my three boys appraised his efforts by clapping our hands; so did his baby sister, not even knowing anything was wrong with him. As I fed him through his stomache tube; I had faith in God that he'd one day receive therapy and learn to eat by mouth. Most nurses thought this sounded ridiculous, but I'd heard a personal story of a woman whose child was born the same way and miraculously recovered and began to eat.
Finally a woman doctor we saw at an appointment visit we had for Jordy's normal check-up, made an appointment for therapy to begin. On several attemps, the doctor's office set times to see Jordy. The first was to examine him, and the second would start the oral or occupational therapy. We were excited to see what would happen.
On one very early morning hour, I was awakened out of my sleep. In a few short minutes, sadly time was cut short for Jordan. It was the weekend of my mother's birthday. She lived out of state and had invited my children and I, to her very first birthday party. I'd declined on travelling with Jordy, excited over our upcoming therapy session. Her birthday was April 13th on this particular weekend and year was Good Friday, a friday known as the thirtheenth, the weekend of Easter Sunday.
It seemed, the baby took sudden ill, and did not look right at around 4:00 am or so, as something had awakened me. Approaching that morning of his death, and just in a few short, quick passing moments, my son Tyler and I rushed the baby to the emergency room at the nearest hospital where he was pronounced dead, after CPR was performed. The hospital experts calculated that he had died in the car on the way there. We were in shock, as we had been checking his breathing all the way to the hospital which was 5-7 minutes from our home. Because of the shock, and disappointment and the fact that he died this way, I had to be carried out by a guard after crying delirously. The scene reminded me of his birth when the doctors surrounded him to administer CPR to get him breathing, only this time they couldn't.
After I realized my other kids were home and needed to be told, I knew my pain would subside. I seemed to have a peace in my soul as if God was saying, 'Let go my child, I have him in my loving arms, now'. I had to acknowledge that he was gone and believe that a better and larger picture and revelation would be revealed to me by the Lord as to why this had happened;
to my quiet, playful, beautiful baby boy. I knew God had spoken to me. I knew Jordy was in the best care indeed. He went to be with his Father God.
Annette Journet Jaco, author
JORDAN WAS BORN JANUARY 22nd 2000 AND WENT TO HEAVEN APRIL 13, 2001. HE WAS BORN WITH BRAIN INJURY...
Annette's Poem for Jordan:
It suddenly came to me in clusters
on this morning, a faith I trusted.
It was a morning which would embark a cloud,
over my world, I can't say how.
Over Jordan, streaming waters flowing now,
streaming under heaven's brow.
It suddenly came in my veins
crippling, anguished, saddening pain.
On this morning a faith I trusted.
One child gone, this morning flustered.
It was a morning which embarked a cloud.
Shattering my world, I can't say how.
It suddenly came in my veins...
I began to praise God...Jesus reigns...
Annette Journet Jaco
Prayer is power of God that moves upon our lives.
The Bible says, "the prayer of the faithful avails much."
The Bible says, "pray without ceasing."
Prayer acknoweledges God as our source in all things.
Praying brings the Holy Spirit in our midst.
We should pray for wisdom and understanding.
We must pray for forgiveness.
We must pray to accept Jesus as our personal Savior, so salvation is possible for us.
We must pray for the protection from the enemies attacks.
We must pray to be equipped to stand strong and to be able to stand against the enemy.
We must pray to be able to preach/speak effectively.
We must pray for truth to reveal itself in our lives and ministry.
We must pray for our children, families, descendants, and friends.
We should pray for our leaders and government.
We must pray for redemption.
Annette Journet Jaco
2004-Copyright by A New Song Ministries/AnnetteJaco Ministries